This. Is. Nasty.

I'm a freaking CM factory. Every. single. time. I sit down, I feel it. *Squidge* Yup, there's more. It's so gross. I don't understand it, I'm only CD 15, well I guess at this hour it's technically CD 16, but I do NOT ovulate this early. Let's just say I'll being saving myself some money on Pre-seed. I have literally gone through 4 pairs on underwear today, and of course I am out of panty liners, so I have no other option. Looks like laundry day will be coming early this time around.

So officially for this cycle we are trying everything we possibly can. Sex will be every other day at the start of highs, which of course has already started, my vitamins, put him on fertility vitamins, my CBEFM, OPK's, charting, and a new doctor! I can't wait. Hopefully she can give me more than a 'don't worry about it'.

I still feel lost in the journey. I am back to my good old self again for the most part, but I have lost the optimism of trying to conceive. Maybe it will come back after seeing the new doctor, maybe it will come back after I O. I'm just losing that anticipation, that optimism, that excitement, that feeling of exhilaration because you are about to start a whole new part of your life. It's like it's not going to happen. I don't want drugs, I don't want tests, I don't want medical interference, but I would do it all if that's what it would take to get pregnant. All I want is a baby. I have hit that point of the bitterness, the jealousy, the "why not me?". I find it now difficult to plan my sister's shower. I could not be more happy for her, but I've fallen into this pathetic self-pity that is ridiculous yet utterly consuming.