The shower drought is over.

I put my stinky butt in the bathtub.

An hour and a half later, I was clean, de-haired, and smelling pretty.

However, now Christopher is asleep and cannot enjoy this fabulousness.

I'm thinking about doing a countdown to my new doctor's appointment. I think it will make me feel better. With all the realizations of my broken body, I really think that's the only thing that will be kicking my butt out of this funk! I really cannot wait. I just need to hear either that I am fine and just wonky as hell, or that I am broken and here's what we are going to do about it. It just feels like I'm burning time, wasting it until someone can tell me what's going on. I don't even have any hope for this cycle. I just know it's not going to work. I do think it's better this way though, after the crazy crash from last cycle that I still am not over. All of this is because I let myself be convinced that last cycle was IT for me. I knew it, I felt it, and overanalyzed everything to twist it into a pregnancy symptom.

So I was talking to Lindsay today about my mother and her crazy antics - consisting of every phone call starting with, "Anything you want to tell me?" No Mom, I'm not pregnant. I told you when I was I wouldn't be telling you right away anyway, you would wait until the heartbeat. So what happens about an hour later?

"Hi Megan!"
"Hi Mom."
"Anything you want to tell me?"

No Mother. I'm fucking miserable, depressed as hell, haven't showered in two days, and don't want to do anything except lay in bed and continue to be miserable. Since my doctor is such a douchebag as well, there's nothing that can be done until the new and ultra popular doctor can fit me it. I'm busted. But thanks for calling and checking, aka rubbing it in.

"NO."

Ugh, why did I have to give in with TTC and tell her? I'll never hear the end of it. Please woman, you have one grandchild on the way, and it took her 14 months to get there. Let that be enough and please get off my ass about it.

Chris has finally realized how bad off I am tonight. He kept asking what was wrong all week, but when he came home and I was in sweatpants and a t-shirt still, he asked why I was still like that.

"Didn't you go out today?"
"Nope."
"Really? Today was gorgeous. Perfect convertible weather."
"WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL ME?"
::Laughs:: "You wanted me to call you and tell you about the weather? You do have windows you know."
"The curtains are closed. How am I supposed to know?"

That's when the worry began.

I miss him. I see him every night, yet I feel like I never get to see him. We're busy all this weekend, but he has off on Tuesday. Hopefully we'll be able to just hang out.