Mother's Day Dread

I feel so stupid.

Since I'm such an idiot and let myself get all psyched up last cycle, convinced this was it for me, I am dreading this holiday.

I have a bad feeling I'm be crying in my sister's bathroom, watching her in all her pregnant glory, revel in the fact this is her first mother's day. I let myself believe that it would be mine too.

So just as I ruined my own birthday, thinking it would be my BFP day and not day 2 of my period, I will ruin yet another holiday. I will wallow in my own self-pity and think "It should be me too".

I will hide all this, drink like a fish, smoke like a chimney, have every caffeinated beverage in sight, and offer my sister a prenatal. Then I will snuggle my 9 year old niece, wish she was mine, and then go back to counting down the days until my new doctor's appoinyment to figure out why the hell I'm broken.

Even though the appointment is 18 days away, I still will not have ovulated. That'll put me at CD 27 - when most people are all but done with their cycle.