The Case of The Missing Baby.

I've been spotting since Sunday morning. I thought it was no big deal, sex on Saturday night, no biggie. There was a clot, but I didn't really think anything of it.

Sunday afternoon, spotting stopped. Awesome. It's fine!

Sunday night, spotting begins. Another clot. Now the spotting is reddish-brown. More red than brown, but it's still there. Okay.

Monday morning, spotting is stopping. All brown. Awesome! I'm clear! Nothing all afternoon.

Monday evening, spotting returns. Reddish again, continues to morning.

This morning - Doctor's Appointment. She gets me in, up on the table, takes a look around... Definitely spotting, but my cervix is closed. Good sign. Just in case, I'm being sent over to the hospital for an ultrasound and Rh testing. This will make sure all is well, no ectopic, anything of the like.

Head over to the hospital, checking in, get my blood drawn for Rh test, and head off for the ultrasound. First there is an external, then the dildocam. My first experience with the dildocam, talk about fun. Anyways, I have to wait for the results, the radiologist will look at them and confer with my doctor, and I will get the results while I am there.

20 minutes later, the ultrasound tech comes back with a phone. My doctor is on the phone. I'm put back in the room so I can "have some privacy". Uh-oh.

"Megan, did you get your bloodwork done already?"
"Yup."
"Okay, well, I'm sending over an order for an HCG panel to measure the hormone (my betas) and then we'll have you come back in on Thursday for another round of it."
"Okay..."
"We didn't see anything on the ultrasound. No fetal pole, not even a gestational sac. At this point, you've either already miscarried, or you are waaaaay earlier than we thought."
:::Tears:::: "Okay..."
"So at this point all we can do is wait to see your HCG numbers today and Thursday to see if they go up or down."

How can I possibly be earlier than they thought? I know when I Oed. I know when we had sex. I know there is no other possible time that it could have been. And I know I got my BFP at 11 dpo, which does not make me a late implant. Please let it be something else.

At this point I make a mad dash out of the hospital, run to my car, bawl on the phone to Christopher. Full, complete, total breakdown. Why is this happening? Pull it together. Go back in.

Walk up to the greeter desk, where the greeter and a check-in nurse are talking. Check in nurse looks at me, and says, "How many times are you going to be here today?" jokingly of course.

Full, complete, total breakdown. At this point, they have 3 boxes of tissues pulled out for me.

Dr. May :::hyperventilating sobs::: faxed over :::gasp, bawl:::: a new bloodwork ::::omg I can't breathe bawling:::: paper for me.

I'm having a meltdown. In the middle of the waiting room.

At this point, the nurse is in full guilt-panic mode. Poor woman. I sit down in the chair and find myself staring. At nothing. Just staring. Let the numbness begin.

I go back into the blood room, and the nurse proceeds to take another 2 vials of blood from the SAME ARM in the SAME SPOT from the SAME VEIN as an hour ago. Not only does my arm still hurt 12 hours later, you should see this bruise. And that's WITH ice on it. As soon as the nurse took the needle out, she says "Oh that wants to bruise..." Ya think?!

I don't know what my betas are today. I'm guessing I won't know until Thursday, or Friday, whenever I get the results. I hope it's Thursday.

Now tomorrow I need to call in and see if I need the Rhogham shot. I have an appointment set up at 2, hopefully I won't need it (3 straight days of needles is a bit much, considering how well today went...) and I have to set up a time for betas on Thursday, since I was so frazzled today I forgot to.

I do however, have the best husband in the entire world. He came home from work today with a cherry slushie (my favorite!) and said, "Let's go to the beach and watch the sunset."

So we did.

We got in the car, drove over an hour to get to Elk Neck State Park in Maryland, sat on the beach for 45 minutes and watched the sunset. That is, until the park ranger kicked us out... The sunset had *just* finished, it was still plenty light out, but nope, park closes at sunset. It didn't matter, it was an awesome drive down and back as well.

Well, not including my total breakdown on the way home where I couldn't stop sobbing for 30 minutes to the point of a raging headache, sore throat, and all of my face and neck muscles hurt.

The really sad part is, the highlight of my day was Burger King breakfast. I got a sausage and cheese croissan'wich with no egg and small hashbrowns.

There was no sausage on my sandwich. It was microwaved croissant with a piece of cheese on it.

Luckily I wasn't out of the parking lot before I was going to wolf it down.

So all in all, the highlight of my day was a screwed up Burger King breakfast order.

Sad. So very very sad.