Some kind of Progress.

Yay! Boo. No, yay! No, boo.

AF is finally here. She made her grand appearance in the form of pinkish-brown spotting at 11:53 pm. Now I sit here at 1:00 am exactly, with a bottle of fuck-you-uterus Advil, a whole bag fuck-you-stomach popcorn, and a big cup of fuck-you-body instant iced tea. It's literally so big I could swim in it. Or at least wash my hair.

However, with all of that, I do consider this an improvement. That may seem strange, yet it is a fact of my journey that I am strangely proud of. While I believe that no woman should have to hit this point, I have arrived to the place where I don't cry about my period. It is a fact now that I am not pregnant. It's not devastation, it's not crushing disappointment, it's now longer a feeling of how can I be THIS broken. It just. simply. IS. My period is now a statement, a fact, a truth. It is not a verb, it is not a state of being.

Just this past week, I have heard from 6 different people "it will happen as soon as you relax". Sweetpea, I am not including you in this paragraph (FYI). Really. My doctor wants to put me on fertility drugs, my cycles have yet to fall in the normal range, I've had a weak ovulation last cycle which my doctor has determined as a problem in my follicular phase, and my LP can't seem to find a happy place. Glad to know that all of that is null and void if I only RELAX. You've GOT to be kidding me. I never thought I would hit that point of people saying it to me. My brother even said that to me today. Have you tried to have kids? No. Shut up, go away, and come back to me when you are broken. I swear, people don't get it.

If you haven't been through it, I don't want to hear your theory. If you got got pregnant accidentally, I don't want to hear how it happened for you. If you pregnant in your first month, I don't want to hear that all you had to do was time it right. If you got pregnant in your second cycle, I don't want to hear that you just ditched the lube and took your vitamins. Or in today's case, became obsessed with David Cook instead of TTC. Talk to me when it took you more than 6 months to get pregnant. Tell me what you did, how you did it, and I will try it. If you've lived through it, I am all ears. Until then...

SHUT UP!