Horrid day, but not smoking!

I am so sick, I cannot breathe. This really old air conditioner in our room is crapping out. It cannot keep up with the heat and humidity here! There are also no other a/c's in the windows yet, as this is quite the early heat wave. This would be fine, I would put the a/c in if I could manage to get up the 2 flights of stairs with it, aka no sickness. And of course, they messed up Chris' schedule, so he was working until 9 - which turned out to be 10 - and he is still not home yet. Not to mention, the entire Susquehanna Valley was out of cell phone service today - which is my ONLY phone - because some idiot cut a fiber line up here. Fantastic. Add all of this on to the baby shower drama, hand writing all those notes, and just for a cherry on top - I'm quitting smoking.

I've been really good with it, but honestly, I don't know how much more of this I can take. There are only so many things that can happen at once. At this point, I am MISSING my smokes. It was somehow comforting. I know it isn't really, but yet, it was. However, there were only about 4 times today I went to mindlessly grab for my pack. It's been over 36 hours since my last cigarette, which is further than I have made it in quite a long time. The longest has been 4 days, which was in my first 2ww. I was completely naive and convinced that I was pregnant, so I stopped. Needless to say, the first day of my period I fell right back to them. I never was able to fully quit in the 2ww again, with that 'It probably didn't work anyway' mindset. I continually cut back, and I would be down to less than 1/2 a pack a day, and then I would get my period. Back up to a full pack. It's an addiction, what did I expect?

I always said once that motivation was there, I would quit. The motivation was a baby. Hence the fact I was able to quit in the first 2ww. Now, after 4 unproductive (or un-reproductive?) cycles, my new motivation is getting pregnant. It affects fertility. I knew that. I just never thought it would happen to me.